An Open Letter to the Person Who’s Trying to Love Themselves
Self-love is a journey, not a destination, and I find that when we think of what it means to love ourselves, we often lean towards thinking conditions X,Y and Z must be met. Little do we realize that self-love isn’t a yes or no, day or night kind of thing. Self-love ultimately a thousand shades of grey. What it might mean for me to love myself differs from what it means to you, and vice versa.
What we can agree upon is that self-love is both a journey to accept the things we cannot change, and to change the things we cannot accept, whatever those parts of us may be. I’ve written an open letter to the person who’s trying to love themselbes, wherever you are on that journey – just know you’re not alone.
This Was Meant for You
This post is written for the person who doesn’t yet love themself, the person who loves themself after fighting against all odds not to, and for the person who is somewhere in between. It’s also for those accepting of, but doesn’t quite love themselves yet, or the person who can proudly say they do.
Wherever you’re at, this was meant for you, and meant to applaud, comfort and recognize you in this moment.
To the Person Trying to Love Themself:
WE SEE YOU
We see you. We see how far you’ve come, the mountains you’ve moved and the tough decisions you’ve had to make. You may be tired, you may be at peace, or you may feel neutral.
In a world that’s made loving yourself a challenge, you have done so well. You’ve recognized that wishing you could change everything about yourself to ‘fit the standard’ isn’t suiting you anymore. You’ve recognized that your insecurities and ‘flaws’ are a part of who you are, and they are not the only thing that exists about you.
Through every ad, commercial, societal norm, or subconscious thought, you’ve ended up here, at a point in time where you realize that if fitting the standard is going to take away from the person you are, you don’t want it.
WE APPLAUD YOU
Deciding to love yourself is one of the scariest, most freeing things you can do in this life. To completely open up and shine a light on all the skeletons in your closet is one of the biggest things you can do.
When we decide to work on loving ourselves, we are choosing to show up for ourselves. When you start showing up for yourself, you begin to depend on yourself and build trust within yourself. That trust will grow over time, and in turn, become a familiar feeling.
Of course, it doesn’t happen overnight. It takes weeks and months, sometimes even years. It takes time to break these old habits and patterns, and make the conscious decision to show up for yourself every single day – and that is where you should feel the most proud.
“To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness”
WE FEEL FOR YOU
Self-love isn’t linear. Much like any other kind of growth it can be all over the place, with plateaus and hills and rock bottoms. There are sweet highs and terrible lows, and feelings of being able to do this and wonderings of whether we can carry on one more day.
It’s choosing to show up regardless, and showing up for yourself. It’s recognizing that if you don’t put the work in, no one else will for you.
You may have experienced losses along the way – friends, jobs, opportunities – as you realized these things were not best serving you, and did not hold a productive place in your life. Just know that whatever is coming, or has come, will replace those losses ten-fold (it’s hard to believe, but just give it time).
YOUR FEELINGS & EMOTIONS ARE VALID
However you feel throughout this process is 100% valid. Often we try to decipher why we’re feeling a certain way, instead of just acknowledging the feeling as it is (and feeling it).
Whatever you may be feeling along this journey, know that it’s valid. Take the leap and try your best to feel everything that comes your way.
As old patterns and habits die, and layers of yourself become explored and opened and enlightened, you are going to release many emotions and feelings (some with no rhyme or reason). Do your best to feel theme as they come, honour them, and let them pass.
YOU DESERVE TO FEEL PROUD
You deserve to feel proud of all of the work you’ve put in, even if it’s just the start. Every thought, action, and word spoken is a step in the right direction. You should feel proud of yourself for starting, for continuing, for seeking new ways to love yourself and more.
We often don’t give ourselves enough credit, but I want you to start. Celebrate every win no matter how small. Write them down, reward yourself, tell a friend about your accomplishments. No win is too small to be celebrated, and waiting until you reach the big goal is devoiding yourself of joy along the way.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GOOD IT’S GOING TO GET
Starting? One of the scariest parts. Sticking to it? One of the hardest parts. Reaping the rewards and benefits? The part where it starts to get good.
Once you truly start to let go of the old, self-limiting narrative you have going on repeat in your head, and start to embrace love for yourself, you will start to open doors you never even thought existed.
The magic that is going to enter your life is going to be unmeasurable. When you start to take care of yourself, even if it’s just starting with the basics, things start to shift and change in your favour. Watch your mindset shift and change, even in the slightest of ways.
It is about to get so, so good. You will never even have thought it was possible for it to get this good.
Things to Remember
THERE’S NO RIGHT OR WRONG WAY TO LOVE YOURSELF
Your journey is your journey, however that may look. The only person you need to compare yourself to is yourself (comparing to anyone else is a waste of time). Focus on how far you’ve come, how proud of yourself you are and how excited you are for all there is to come.
At the end of the day, starting your journey to self-love is all that matters. The ups and downs you will face along the way are natural, and your own challenges to tackle. Do what’s best for you and you won’t steer yourself wrong.
IT TAKES TIME
As much as you want to wake up one day and feel like you’ve reached the peak of self-love, it isn’t quite like that.
Learning to love yourself is a commitment – you’re in it for the long haul. It’ll take time to rewire the way you think about yourself, appreciate yourself and understand yourself.
There’s no set amount of time, it’s just something that will fall deeper into place overtime. You will come to points in time where you’ve reached a better understanding, and appreciate the hurdles you’ve overcome to get to that point.
SHOWING UP FOR YOURSELF IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART
Keep. Showing. Up. For. Yourself.
No matter how tough it gets, no matter how much you want to quit – keep showing up. The only way to get through it is to go through it, and showing up for yourself every single day is the only way to get there.
As harsh as it sounds, there’s no one else that’s going to come along and show you how to love yourself, or put in the work for you (others can love you for you, but that’s not what we’re talking about here). When it comes to loving yourself and working through that, the only person that can do that for you, is you.
